Terms and Conditions

     I think the next step is for educating people reading my posts who aren't familiar with Pedophilia related terms. There are many terms that are used in the Pedophile Community. I think the biggest one to know is the difference between the types of pedophilia. Nepiophilia is the attraction towards infants and/or toddlers. Pedophilia is the attraction towards pre-pubescent children. Hebephilia is the attraction towards early to mid-puberty. Ephebophilia is the attraction towards mid to late puberty. Most people use the blanket term pedophile when talking about anyone who is attracted to minors. A teleiophile is someone who is attracted to adults; so in other words a "normal" person. A term being used by some of the Pedophilia community is MAP, or minors attracted person. This is a means to destigmatize what it means to be a pedophile since the word carries a very negative connotation. Another thing to know is whether or not a MAP is exclusive or non-exclusive. Being a MAP is not a choice; so it goes to say that choosing which categories you are attracted to is not a choice. There are those that are exclusive, which means they express an exclusive attraction towards minors. Being non-exclusive means that the person is also sometimes attracted to adults. Which brings me to the definition of attraction. According to the APA (and my copy of the DSM-V) "pedophilia" is characterized by "recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving prepubescent children; having acted on those desires; and the individual is at least 16 years of age". It also goes on to explain that there needs to be a diagnostic of whether the individual is homosexual or heterosexual. This definition of attraction is limiting. Attraction consists of more than just sexual fantasies and urges. It is similar to any teleiophile's (someone who is attracted to adults) attraction. It can be purely sexual but there is also an element of emotional attachment and attention that is required. I think that acknowledging this difference is important to understanding how we operate, and how the picture people have of us is incomplete.

     I myself am sexually exclusive (older women don't peak my interests on a physical level) but I am emotionally non-exclusive. My age range is 4-14 year old girls. The age range has widened since I started to get older. 16-20 is acceptable, 21-25 is pushing my limits, and anyone 30+ is just too old for me. It's hard to explain what that is like. I am just not attracted to older women, simple as that. Though there are some nice adult women out there who truly care on the same level in which children care. I am not saying older women are bad people just not my cup of tea I suppose. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was attracted to adults. I imagine a much easier and more fulfilling life. Even though it would be nice to just be "normal", I don't think I would change my sexuality. Even though it's lonely living like this; it makes me, me. Why should I feel bad for something that isn't wrong, or for something bad I've never done and never will do? 

Also if anyone is interested in sending me personal stories for me to share on here I would be happy to post them. It would remain completely anonymous of course. Type your stories and send them to me via email and I will review them and post them. Send them to pedeach @gmail.com . Hope you people get the courage to share your life experiences. It is always welcome on this blog.  

My experiences

       Sorry for the long hiatus. I was busy with finals week for school and busy with work as well. I had trouble deciding what I should write on next. I wasn't sure what my next step should be. I would like to write on how it has affected my life. Like I said in my previous post, I hadn't accepted that I could be a good person and a pedophile. I did not realize the two were not mutually exclusive. After talking with people who are like me I see now that there are a lot of nice and "good" pedophiles. After realizing that I could be both my depression lifted a little. I accept who I am. This presents a problem to me though. Acknowledging this fact has forced me to realize that I will be forever alone. I won't be able to experience a fulfilling relationship. I also know and accept that everyone hates me based on the fact that I am attracted to children. The Western world hates us; we are the last group of people it is socially acceptable to wish death and genocide upon. Death threats and forced castration are common themes among those who hate us. My family, friends, neighbors, co-workers have all expressed violent attitudes towards pedophiles. The only safe place I have to talk is with people online, and who knows how long that will be a continued "safe" place.

       It's the worst when my family spouts violent rhetoric because I know that I can never tell them otherwise. They would disown me and probably throw me out. My boss would find out why I was kicked out and I would lose my job (and all the friends I've made there). My school would also find out about my change, or loss, of address and I wouldn't be able to attend anymore. So I am forced to agree with violence against myself and people like me. Why is that ever okay? Why should I have to endure constant hatred for doing nothing wrong; except that I am different.

       I am afraid to look at children I think are attractive because I do not want someone to suspect anything, or find out, and then lynch me for only having thoughts. People are afraid of us but don't even give us a chance. That's what I am asking for through this blog. Give us a chance and try to see that a fact of our sexuality doesn't mean we are bad people; we are people too. We are more than just labels. If you have any questions please comment below. I will answer any and all questions.

My life

     I guess I'll start my blog by sharing my personal story and how it has been growing up as being attracted to minors. I was introduced to pornography at an early age, about 10 years old. This led me to being a precocious child and gave me an understanding of sexuality and what is expected. Looking back now the first instance I can see of me having pedophilic tendencies was around the age of 12. I remember being different than other boys my age. This is the time the whole dating craze started at my school. I dated a few girls my age but would always spend my time with the younger kids; specifically younger girls. I did experiment sexually with younger girls but I was only 12 and trying to figure things out. This is when I also heard of the term "pedophile". I was taught by school and the media that pedophiles were evil people that deserved chemical castration and even death. The idea was forced into my brain. Then moving into high school was when my big revelation came about. This is the age everyone around me started having sex and boasted about it. This is also the time that I discovered that what I liked and wanted was in grade school. I dated girls my age but I never had romantic or sexual feelings towards them. I mostly dated as a status symbol. If you were dating , you were cool. When I finally realized that I preferred younger girls that were aged 4-10 it shocked me. Everyone around me were going for people their own age and older and I didn't want that. It made me feel left out and caused me to be  very lonely and timid.

     This is also the time I was introduced to the field of psychology. My high school psychology class sparked a whole new passion for me; and marked the time that I learned what pedophilia really was. Out of all my classes this one had the largest impact on my life. We came to the section about paraphilias and pedophilia was mentioned exclusively by name. Listening to the material and doing my own research made me realize that it described me perfectly. This is when my great internal conflict started. I had found something that described me well but I was taught that they were evil people. This made me question my integrity as a person. Was I evil? Should I be killed for this? It caused panic and fear. From that point on I became afraid to be around children. I thought that if I was around them somebody would find out about who I am and throw me in jail, or kill me. I began to hate myself. I began to hate God as well. "If he cared about me then why did he make me like this?" It started a very rough patch in my life. This conflict of who I am as a person and how society perceived me took its toll on me. I decided to take my own life before I turned 18. I tried hanging myself but my mother found me. I received no treatment or therapy, and I attempted again. I finally graduated high school but my life was still chaotic. I finally moved to college and lived on my own. I am going to college currently and plan on getting a degree in psychology.

   

This is going to be my pilot blog on a very controversial topic: Pedophilia. I'm going to write on what its like to live with this specific orientation. I will attempt to bring the stories of other pedophiles to this blog. I will write on the current scientific understanding of pedophilia. Most importantly I will give you my story and how pedophilia has affected my life and the life of those around me. I will also attempt to use this blog as a safe zone and outreach to those too scared to share their story with other people. I am here to help facilitate an intellectual and understanding discussion between society and the Pedophile community; to break myths and shatter stigmas. We are not evil; and not all of us offend. I want to protect the rights of those who do nothing wrong but are constantly scrutinized and hated by society. More posts to come so if this is something you are interested in contributing to or if you have any additions or improvements, let me know.